Suicide

According to Kevin Caruso at suicide.org, 4 out of 10 people who suffer from schizophrenia attempt to commit suicide; while 1 in 10 people who suffer from schizophrenia die by commiting suicide.  On a Wednesday, June 15th, I almost joined the ranks of those who have committed suicide.  I figured that I was better off being dead than living in a catatonic state.

The method I chose was overdose.  I took over 20 pills of Melatonin and 90 pills of Ativan.  It was the grace of God that saved me.  I took the pills while I was in the shower.  My catatonic state seemed to let up in the evening, which is why I was able to get into the shower at all.  When I came out, my mother asked me to come have a seat.  So, I got dressed and plopped down on the couch - by that time I was SKY HIGH.  My mom asked me what was going on and I told her, "I just took a bunch of pills.  I feel real good!"  That's all I remember.  I blacked out.

My mother tells me that she walked me out to the garage and got me into the car, to take me to the hospital.  She said I was coherent and drank the bottle of charcoal like a champ.  The next thing I remember is waking up in the I.C.U., then in my hospital room.  After 4 days of hospitalization, I was transferred to the psychiatric facility.  I spent a week and a day and a half there.  June 28th I was released.

I got this tatoo the next day to celebrate my new life.  Psalms 23:6  Surely Goodness & Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of Adonai (The LORD) for ever.