Med Detox

BEYOND VICTORIOUS

I had gone for nearly 1 year to the day symptom free, medication free when I fell victim to this illness once again.  The onset of the hallucinations began just as my menstrual cycle commenced.  I had developed poor eating habits and was neglecting to properly hydrate myself.  After one day of solitude, my mother came to check on me.  I was found lying completely still/paralyzed, unable to speak, open my eyes.  The paramedics were called, and I was transported to the Medical Hospital.  I appeared to be sleeping, but was very alert yet unable to express the EXCRUCIATING aches and pains I was experiencing.  This catatonic state lasted for 2 consecutive days before I called on the name of Yahuwah, The Mighty One of Israel!  I put my faith to work in Yahushua's (Jesus') name, and after two days I gained mobility in my fingers, using that opportunity to WRITE and express my needs.  I soon gained the ability to open my mouth and eat.  Mid-way through my meal I began to speak!  There is POWER in THE NAME OF YAHUWAH (The LORD)!!!!!  HALLULUYAH (Praise to YOU, Yahuwah)! Amein (That is the truth).  I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR!!!  

Paranoia

I've noticed that I am increasingly paranoid around the time my period starts.  Otherwise, I am recovered.  It's been a few months since I've been completely delusional and I want to stay this way.  I think that if I take vitamin B-2 I should be fine around that time of the month.  I'll let you know how that works out for me next month :-)

High School Reunion Time!

Saturday night was my 10 year High School Reunion.  It was incredible... Dubbed Prom 2.0!! lol


Last year, I would never have been able to go to an event like this.  My anxiety level would have been off the charts; and I would be mega paranoid.  Not so this time! Hallelujah!


The night was full of reminiscing and getting re-acquainted with classmates.  It was SO much fun!  


I feel like I'm finally getting my life back!!  YAY!!!!

Things Unseen

It's so weird how the brain can take memories and twist them into something really negative... Thinking about hallucinations: they were so negative and I'm such a positive person.  


I really think that schizophrenia is a spiritual disease.  All my hallucinations were about sin and being exposed.  They were things that no one would normally talk about... It's wild!  Maybe it's because I'm a spiritual person?  The thing is that my catatonic state would ease up after I prayed... Just sayin... If it's not a spiritual disease, prayer wouldn't make a difference.  It's something the Nurse didn't suggest, but I knew to do because of my upbringing.  Prayer is powerful!

Suicide

According to Kevin Caruso at suicide.org, 4 out of 10 people who suffer from schizophrenia attempt to commit suicide; while 1 in 10 people who suffer from schizophrenia die by commiting suicide.  On a Wednesday, June 15th, I almost joined the ranks of those who have committed suicide.  I figured that I was better off being dead than living in a catatonic state.

The method I chose was overdose.  I took over 20 pills of Melatonin and 90 pills of Ativan.  It was the grace of God that saved me.  I took the pills while I was in the shower.  My catatonic state seemed to let up in the evening, which is why I was able to get into the shower at all.  When I came out, my mother asked me to come have a seat.  So, I got dressed and plopped down on the couch - by that time I was SKY HIGH.  My mom asked me what was going on and I told her, "I just took a bunch of pills.  I feel real good!"  That's all I remember.  I blacked out.

My mother tells me that she walked me out to the garage and got me into the car, to take me to the hospital.  She said I was coherent and drank the bottle of charcoal like a champ.  The next thing I remember is waking up in the I.C.U., then in my hospital room.  After 4 days of hospitalization, I was transferred to the psychiatric facility.  I spent a week and a day and a half there.  June 28th I was released.

I got this tatoo the next day to celebrate my new life.  Psalms 23:6  Surely Goodness & Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of Adonai (The LORD) for ever.

Large Crowds

This evening, I went (by myself) to a Smooth Jazz concert!  I was surprised to not feel any anxiety at all. 


The concert started at 6 p.m., but I arrived 3 hrs. early.  As a result I got the opportunity to meet the band (Lin Rountree, Elan Trotman, Xavier Chisholm, Nathan Mitchell, and Frank Richardson).  They were all humble guys with incredible skill and gifts as musicians.  I'm really blessed to have met them, and I wish them all the best in the Smooth Jazz world.  They're all so talented.

As for my non-anxiety: I really have to give thanks to God for it.  Yes.  I am taking medication, but I don't take anti-anxiety meds anymore.  I believe in the power of prayer, because it works.  Prayer does change things.  I believe in the power in Yeshua's (Jesus') name, and use it regularly.  This has made all the difference for me, and I know it will for you - if only you just put your faith and trust in Him. :-)