Before and After: Life Without Medication

I was recently - last year - diagnosed with schizophrenia.  It's been difficult to cope, especially since I've decided to stop taking the medications; but I'm doing what I have to do.  I'm trying to learn how to deal with all this, and still be functional.  I've lost friends and acquaintances because they don't understand and have no desire to know what's been happening.  This disease has stolen from me the life I once had, and has caused me much grief.  I'm determined to find a way to regain some normalcy.

Being schizophrenic is HORRENDOUS.  I was taking several medications, but all they did was make me hungry and tired all the time.  I'm 5'4 and I went from 175 pounds (size 12/14) to 250 pounds (size 22/24) in 6 months.  That's UNACCEPTABLE.  I had begun developing dry patches of skin on my face and body.  My hair became very dry and brittle, breaking off.  My decision to cease medication was a result of these side effects.

It's hard to remember what life was like before the illness.  I know I was VERY driven.  I enjoyed going places, meeting people, taking long bicycle rides, going to the gym, working, going to school, etc.  These days I'm usually alone in my room, except when it's necessary to leave.  I don't enjoy meeting new people.  I wish I did, but I really don't.  I put on a smile and greet people, but have no desire to let them get close to me - it makes me very anxious, to say the least.  That's why I don't go to the gym anymore.  I feel like a child who needs someone to lead them around.  It's TERRIBLE!   

Wellness was something that I really was into.  I only took medications as necessary and was learning more about holistic health and wellness.  I was studying to become a Massage Therapist when I became sick.  I was planning to complete my education by becoming a Counseling Psychologist.  Isn't that ironic?

Sometimes it is very difficult to tell reality from fantasy or fact from fiction.  Depression is another part that is SO debilitating - most times there is no motivation at all whatsoever.  Also, it's so hard to focus with so many things going through my mind at any given time.  Paranoia and anxiety are the other afflictions.  Two things make these symptoms worse: Stress and The Menstrual Phase (SMH).  What's a girl to do??

I just want my life back.